Americans Aren't Nosy, They Just Care About You

Not long ago I was in an airport line, and you know how you get to talking to the other folks in line? Or maybe you don't. If you don't you're probably a Finn. But I digress.

The man next to me in line brought up the fact that Americans stand out in other countries. They talk more, they talk louder, and they talk to strangers. His words were tinged with a quarter cup of derision. Aside from the "loud" observation, I commented that Americans are just so friendly. We enjoy other people, other cultures, other ways of doing things. We see commonality among people. We want to know about folks, and we want them to be interested in us. And so we involve others in our thoughts by striking up conversations. His countenance and mood changed, and he agreed. After all, here we were, two complete strangers having a friendly conversation in a mindless airport line.

That Americans are open and friendly could be attributed to our national heritage of making a go of life in a wild unsettled place. From Pilgrims to pioneers to cow-punchers, we have needed others, we have relied on others. Existence in a vast hostile landscape among ferocious wild animals, battling blizzards or prairie fires or raging rivers hundreds of miles from civilization meant that if and when you met up with another human, they were the historical equivalent of your new BFF. That person who was a stranger a moment before was the one who stood with you against all the bad things that happen in the wilderness.

Life in the "old country" (Europe) was at least somewhat predictable in that everyone knew their place and stuck to it, mostly. Change of job, change of place, change of social status--none of these things were negotiable. You minded your own business and tried not to be noticed. You remembered what yesterday was like, and knew that tomorrow would be the same, or worse. The polar opposite has been the American experience. Not bound by old-world expectations and restrictions of class, opportunity rolled out in front of a anyone willing to take the first step forward.

My theory requires more study, and so I reserve the right to alter this opinion in the future.

Not long ago we and some extended family were lunching at the Tillamook Cheese Factory's cafe. We were talking about a situation near home that had been on the news, and suddenly a woman next to us leaned over to put in her two cents about the incident. We discussed it with her for a minute, and then went back to our own worlds. Par for the course in the US.

While we were in line for ice cream we noticed the folks in front of us were speaking Russian. We later spotted them outside eating their ice cream. C has memorized some Russian phrases. He boldly walked up to the group and began rattling off his limited Russian vocabulary. Some of them spoke English. We ended up talking to them for about ten minutes. The grandpa, who did not speak English, sported an ear-to-ear smile the whole time we talked. Hearing a stranger speak some rudimentary Russian to him was probably the best thing that had happened to him that day. He will go home knowing that Americans are friendly and caring.

On a plane a couple of months ago (Munich to Helsinki) I noticed that the man next to me was reading the same issue of the same magazine--The Economist--that I was, and he was only a page or two ahead of me! How droll! He certainly must have noticed our matching magazines. After all his was only inches from my own. But he retained his focus on his mag, tucked into his own 18" space as if he was surrounded by plexiglass walls.

But the American in me eventually burst forth. I just had to comment on our identical twin magazines. He gave me a quarter smile, acknowledging what to me was comical but to him was completely "so-what," and then slammed down his plexiglass window. End of conversation. His far-northern-European-ness was on full display.

This is not in itself a bad thing; to each his own. It's just foreign to most Americans. We view a reticence to engage as being cold and unfriendly, when perhaps it is not meant to be. We should strive to understand cultures that prefer privacy without expecting them to be like us. At the same time I wish for foreigners to humor us a little, engage us in conversation, and open windows into their culture. Meeting each other halfway makes the world a better place. Americans aren't nosy, they just care about you.